Joaquin's Mockumentary?

First we were shocked at Joaquin Phoenix's announcement that he was leaving the acting business. Then we were further confused as we learned he was calling it quits in order to put his passion for music into high gear, hip-hop music to be exact.

Oh, then came the videos. First the Las Vegas shots of him floundering about on stage, eventually falling off. Then his charismatic presence on Letterman caught all of our attention. It seems Phoenix is pushing the weirdness factor a bit more the further he goes.

Though word on the street is that we all might be victims of a well played hoax. You see Phoenix's brother-in-law Casey Affleck anounced his directorial debut recently for a documentary he was filming. The subject of said documentary, you guessed it, Phoenix's hip-hop career. A few hollywood lightbulbs went on over the heads of critics, bloggers and other folks who generally don't have much of a life. Could Phoenix's crazy antics be at the expense of a mockumentary in the making? I guess we will all just have to wait and see.

So what do you think? Has Joaquin Phoenix boarded the crazy train or are we all falling for perhaps one of the greatest jokes in hollywood history?

Friday the 13th - Rent it but it still may not be worth the $4

“We’re all just daddy issues and douche bags. Can’t we all just be one happy cliché?”

You said it token stoner dude.

I saw Friday the 13th last weekend on Friday the 14. Yeah that’s right, my lady is awesome. However, as most would expect, the film did not meet up to any of even the smallest of expectations, and produced a series of crimes that horror movie fans will be bringing the gavel down upon.

The film strays so far from the original’s feel, only borrowing the concept of a scary guy in a hockey mask, that fans of the original will be disappointed as it fails to hold up to its 1980 counterpart. All in all, this remake is a mix of first two Friday the 13ths. For those who are in-the-know, they should be able to spot a few nostalgic moments such as Jason’s bag mask as well as others.

But the sprinkling of nostalgia doesn’t carry the film through an array of poor film-making choices. Granted, the initial flick helped to establish some time honored horror movie clichés, but the remake takes these clichés to an embarrassing level, where there is no decent script, twists or turns, or inventive characters. Granted it is hard to pull off a remake, especially when it is of a well-loved franchise, but this remake gave me the feeling that they didn’t even try to create anything successful and banked on the curiosity of fans to garner ticket sales (big surprise).

The movie comes stock with all the drugs, sex and token characters as any other film. So much that it removes any of the original’s feel, yet still leaves the viewer with a sense that they have seen this all before, in the hundreds of horror movies to come since the original in 1980. You don’t have to make some novel work of art, but at least put some creative and innovative thought into it, especially while handling the re-imaging of a delicate classic.

Lastly, on a personal level, the star of the film, Jared Padelecki, appears to be quite a tall drink of water, and not only do you got him on a little Royal Enfield motorcycle, you dubbed over the bike, making it sound like a beefed up Harley. Come on! Couldn’t you just fork up the dough and got the guy on a Triumph? Padelecki looks like a circus clown on a scooter.

Interesting tidbit: Over the past four years Jared Padelecki and Jensen Ackles have come into homes across America each week via the television show Supernatural. To be honest, I do like the show and how each episode is like a mini horror movie. I was therefore intrigued when both actors would be coming to the big screen this year. Coincidentally, both actors were cast in remakes of classic ‘80s horror movies, My Bloody Valentine and Friday the 13th. And not only that, though Ackle’s Bloody Valentine remake came out first, Padelicki’s remake came out on Valentine’s Day! Whoa …

Yes kid, this is real life

Remember David, the kid who's dad filmed him post-dentist visit? Here he is 20 years later, after his divorce.



God bless the UCB.

Portland Cello Project signs to Kill Rock Stars

Wow, the story of the Portland Cello Project just keeps getting more and more outlandish.

First, the collection of classical music nerds starts getting street cred by playing with local indie artists, then they become a completely unlikely musical force in their own right and now they are (to my knowledge) the first "band" of their kind to sign to Kill Rock Stars. It's unlikely, to be sure, but the Cello Project's entire history has been anything but predictable up to this point and I can't think of a more deservedly talented group to join the roster of one of the region's finest labels.

With the forces of Slim Moon and the coolest classical music ensemble in the known world combined the sky is the limit.


Builders and The Butchers with The Portland Cello Project: "Bottom of the Lake" from Douglas Jenkins on Vimeo.

Michael Cera Loses His Shit

Although almost certainly a joke (considering the brief title of the movie at the end), this video is of Michael Cera on the set of his new movie Youth In Revolt, flipping his shit over something or other. It's quite convincing, but is likely just viral marketing capitalizing on Christian Bale's recent freak out on the set of Terminator (mp3).

Let's not forget this isn't the first time Michael Cera has done the fake freak-out. He joked around on the set of Knocked Up with Katherine Heigl. For more Michael Cera hilarity, I recommend his hilarious Impossible is the Opposite of Possible.

"The International" Mini-Review

The International tells the story of Clive Owen's INTERPOL Agent Salinger. Like all of Clive Owen's characters, Salinger has a perpetual 5 o'clock shadow and looks like he wears his suits to bed. Salinger is on a mission to take down the IBBC (the International Bank of Business and Credit).

And we don't need this movie to tell us, but we know, big multi-national banks are eeevil. The IBBC is behind all sorts of nasty dealings and anybody with any concrete information to move against them winds up dead. 

It's rather fortuitous that this film hit theaters now. I imagine it was probably produced before last year's financial fuck-all and it's ending is surprisingly realistic with respect to what ultimately becomes of the bank. Anybody looking for a searing end where the IBBC goes up in flames will be disappointed, the ending is far more in line with what would actually happen.

But that's not to say that villains don't get what's coming to them. The International surprised me. The movies released between January 1st and May 1st tend to be where studios either dump films they know are schlock or use the time as a testing ground for potential franchises. The International is actually not bad. It's not great, but it's a decent thriller and while not super-realistic, it does have it's moments, divulging disturbing truths about the way of the financial sector.

Three stars for a decent thriller plot without too much unnecessary fluff.

"Coraline" Red Carpet Video

Vanguard links:

Coraline review

Dakota Fanning interview

Neil Gaiman & Henry Selick interviews

Red Carpet Premiere photos